Guilt
by eccentricrabbit
Summary: Mulder sees Scully dancing and it leads to a d&m conversation kind of. And it’s fluffy as always... [Oneshot]


**Title:** Guilt

**Author:** Temperance Brennan

**Summary: **Mulder sees Scully dancing and it leads to a d&m conversation - kind of. And it's fluffy as always... One-shot

**Rating: **K+

**Authors Note: **This is kind of weird, and I think Scully's a little OOC. But please be easy on me because I haven't even seen all the seasons of the X-Files yet. (Sadly!) I'm waiting for someone to return the last two seasons… But please review. I don't mind you giving me ideas or telling me where I went wrong, but please no flames!

**Disclaimer: **Hi, I'm Chris Carter and… _I had you there!_ The X-files is **not** mine, and neither are the characters I'm just _borrowing!_

--

Turning the radio on she slipped off her heels and sat on the floor rubbing her stocking clad feet which ached from a long day on her feet. She turned the volume up a little and stood tapping her fingers on the cabinet where her CD player stood.

She looked around furtively, and shut her curtains. She turned the music up loud enough to block out any other noise and began dancing. Oh, she'd never been a _fantastic_ dancer, but as she wiggled her hips and waved her arms around she felt silly, and happy, _and_ free.

It reminded her of her sister, as children they would dance all day, making up their own dances and even though she'd never been as feminine as her sister and preferred to be outside or following one of her brothers, it was moments like that, dancing with her sister that she remembered most.

She remembered one day her mother joining in and the three women dancing all the worries in their lives forgotten as they moved to the music. Dancing, it's a good remedy.

--

He smiled from the doorway off her apartment and let the door shut softly behind him. He walked forward and stood watching her moving to the music, he couldn't place the song but he had never seen her smiling so much. He'd never seen her so happy before.

It made him sad. Why could he not make her smile more often? Was it him? Was he the one to make this beautiful woman unhappy?

He was about to leave, the feeling of guilt weighing him down heavily when the music suddenly turned off, and he heard the swish of her stockings against the wooden floor.

--

"Mulder…?" She questioned; red in the face, he was unsure whether it was from the physical excursion or from embarrassment. "What are you doing here?" Was that anger tinged in her voice? He cringed, feeling worse than before. Why didn't she continue dancing?

"I just came to see you," he said dumbly. "I was just leaving…" he gestured towards the door. "I – uh I'm sorry for disturbing you." She seemed to think he was being sarcastic, and he could see her biting the inside of her cheek, something he did himself to hold back angry retorts when they were arguing.

"Wait, Scully I mean it. I'm sorry… You looked so happy," She narrowed her eyes at him, as if contemplating what he said. Finally she seemed to believe him and a smile formed on her lips.

"That was embarrassing," she admitted and grabbed his wrist pulling him into her lounge. Guilt still kept him from relaxing, and he felt tense as she landed on the couch next to him, reaching for the remote to turn her television on. "Are you okay?" She was close enough that her warm breath touched his face, and he turned away.

"You should leave Scully, it's too dangerous… You've suffered so much," he looked her in the eye now, and saw the shock there.

"You don't want to be my partner anymore? Because I assume you mean leave the x-files, not my house…" She kept all emotion from her face and voice.

"It's not that…"

"Then what is it?" She asked defiantly, he felt her shift uncomfortably next to him.

"I don't like seeing you hurt." He paused for effect. "Or _unhappy,"_

"I would be unhappy away from you Mulder," she said after a long silence. "I need you," She said, her voice a little softer now.

"When you were dancing, you were _really_ smiling," to his dismay her face fell.

"My sister and I used to dance, I was just – remembering you know?" she said softly, again putting her walls back up.

"Oh," he said, now very unsure of what to say. Like a teenager on his first date he felt so very aware of his body.

"You don't smile often either Mulder, it's not just me." Maybe she was right; but the guilt stayed.

"I make my own choices Mulder, I never want you to feel responsible, or _guilty,"_ she put emphasis on the last word and rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm a grown woman, I _can_ make my own decisions, and I have to suffer the consequences, it's not as if you force me into anything," He rested his head against hers briefly.

"I know, I know. Suffer is the right word though, you have been through so much…"

"_We_ have been through so much Mulder," She nuzzled her face against his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her so she was comfortably resting against him. "I just want to know one thing," she said sleepily.

"What's that?"

"Is this quest, for the truth what matters most to you in your life?" To be truthful to himself, he'd never thought about it. But as he sat with her in his arms he realised it wasn't what was most important to him. He tried to imagine life without her, but couldn't. He remembered how lost he was when she was missing, how when she was in pain he felt pain too.

"No," There was such a long silence before her reply he thought she may have fallen asleep.

"Okay Mulder," He rested his head against the back of the chair feeling tired as well, even though it was only eight at night. He'd rarely _talked_ like this with her, but it felt good. The guilt stayed but with each breath he felt the pressure of her tiny body against his and the guilt seemed to be diminishing.

"I love you," he whispered into her hair. "Every single time I've said that to you, I've meant it," he kissed the top of her head, knowing she was asleep and couldn't hear him. He then gave in to sleep himself, falling asleep with a smile matching hers.

--

**The End**


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